The trap of comparisons


    She walks out of lab thinking "wow, I'm not here on the weekends - does this mean I'm not a good scientist?" 

    In the meeting with his advisor he hears about the progress of other grad students and wonders "will I ever make progress like them?"

    After attending her friend's fantastic seminar, she feels dejected because her project is not that interesting, and lacks a coherent story. 

    Self-doubt and the trap of comparisons is rampant in grad school. In grad school, the temptation is strong to compare your progress to the progress of others. Others are publishing papers, giving talks, writing up their thesis yet you sit on the sidelines cheering them on while simultaneously thinking you are a failure. Grad school is a unique time where there is no timeline. Ideally, you would like to graduate in 5 years but are fully aware that graduation depends on your research cooperating. As the word research implies - you must re-search often. This desire to compare comes from the unpredictable nature of grad school, but as an American culture we are used to predictability. 

Self-doubt and the trap of comparisons is rampant in grad school. 

    For 12 years of your life you are buffeted by a structured school environment that is built upon clear, achievable goals. College expands this safety net and is programmed in a way to allow you to finish in four years. Even if you do not finish in four years there are measurable steps to reach the finish line. Contrast this with a science Ph.D. program where you enter with a graduation goal, but are utterly in the dark of what it will take to get there and how long it will take. 

    For the first few years of your Ph.D. there are landmarks for you to follow: pass your classes, take your written qualifying exam, and defend a proposal at your oral qualifying exam. However, once you reach those goals the next goal is to graduate and depending on the program graduation requirements can be very different. There is a dedicated team of other Ph.Ds who form your committee and assess your progress. However, the goal of 'graduate' seems nebulous, unachievable, and difficult to process when you are in the throes of research. 

    I would argue that the comparison game stems from the lack of measurement present in the later years of your Ph.D. As you trudge through the trench you look around for someone, anyone to see how far you are along and how much farther you have to go. However, this desire, while understandable, leads down a path of hurt, jealousy, and bitterness. 

However, this desire, while understandable, leads down a path of hurt, jealousy, and bitterness. 

    Pursuing a Ph.D. in most fields involves many instances of groping around in the dark by trying a bunch of different experiments and hoping something works. This often leads to people describing the first 3-4 years of grad school as the bottom of an exponential curve where your accomplishments seem small and the hill you have to climb steep. The last 1-2 years of grad school are that peak of the exponential curve - things are working, you see progress and light at the end of the tunnel. 


    When looking around at other grad students most of us forget that we are all at different places on this curve and the curve does not directly scale with time. We talk a lot in science about defining your variables and if you want to compare two things statistically they must have the same base variables. Yet, when we compare ourselves to other grad students we do not consider this fact. This means that a 3rd year grad student should not even compare themselves to another 3rd year grad student because their projects, advisor, and timeline are different and thus can not be compared

When we compare ourselves to other grad students we do not consider that we are comparing totally different variables. 

    The comparison game is fun for no one. When I fall into the trap of comparisons I doubt myself as a scientist, worry that I am not doing enough, struggle with imposter syndrome, and ultimately start to harbor some bitterness towards the person I am comparing myself to. Those who we compare ourselves to are almost every time not as successful, ahead, or on top of things as we perceive they are. Yet, we place them on this pedestal that is unstable for them to stand upon because they are not perfect. 

Those who we compare ourselves to are almost every time not as successful, ahead, or on top of things as we perceive they are. 

    When the temptation comes to compare yourself to others I would encourage you to reach out to those who seem to have it all together and honestly say that you are struggling with comparing yourself to them. 9 times out of 10 they will assure you they are also struggling and comment on something they see in you that they compare themselves to. This is not a method to fish for compliments but rather is a way to break that cycle of self-doubt, misperceiving others, and imposter syndrome. Existing too long in the trap of comparisons can wreck your self-esteem and cause you to hate science - it is important to find ways to stop yourself from falling in this trap. 

--GeneticGinger  


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