Little Wanderer

Burat, Albania

"You’re my wanderer, little wanderer
Off across the sea
You’re my wanderer, little wanderer
Won’t you wander back to me
You’re my wanderer, little wanderer
How I wish that you could see
You’re my wanderer, little wanderer
How I need you back with me
Back with me" -Death Cab for Cutie

A few months ago a friend sent me this song by Death Cab for Cutie saying that this song described me at this point in my life. After being halfway through my study abroad journey, I cannot even begin to explain how accurate that portrayal was. 

Before I arrived in Copenhagen, I told myself that one of my goals was to figure out where my life was headed and my life goals so I would know the next steps to take when I returned home. I assumed that being abroad would give me plenty of time to think, ponder, and contemplate what I desired in this short time on earth and what God desired for me. This assumption was correct, but I feel like I am further away at knowing what I want to do with my life than ever before due to not knowing how I can best glorify God. 

Budapest, Hungary
Before coming to Copenhagen, I had my whole life laid out: finish school, get my Ph. D in Genetics, do cancer research and hopefully get married sometime along the way. My wandering in Europe has mirrored my wandering in my mind of trying to figure out what God wants me to do with my life. After wandering around Europe the past few weeks, I've realized that it is going to be hard for me to go back home to North Carolina after seeing all I have seen. There's no denying that I miss my family, my friends and my church, but being a little wanderer trying to find my way within the world has grown me and shaped me so much as a person. I've become independent and comfortable when there's just me and no one else. I've gained such an appreciation for different kinds of people from different cultures, religions, worldviews etc. Most importantly, I've learned to give plans to God and try to not be the overstressed planner that comes naturally to me, and trust me, I'm relearning this every single day. After being abroad for this short time, I've also realized that there are so many opportunities and experiences to be had overseas that I had never considered before and I am now much more open to coming back to work, go to school or give my time.

Vienna, Austria

Two weeks ago, I traveled to Kosov0 with a team from back home to work with a school and teach various courses to the students. I had expected to just assist with some of the classes as a teacher's helper but I ended up teaching my own science class and lab to the students. These kids had the most curious and interested spirits I have ever seen before. They asked question after question about how they have blue eyes and their parents have brown eyes, why DNA is the way it is and even how computer code and DNA code are similar. Long story short, the same excitement and fascination that I had with science In high school, these kids had at an even earlier age, and I got to be a small part in fanning that excitement. It gave me more of a love for science and even more of a love for these kids. People have told me before that I should be a teacher and until this past week, I had no idea why. After one of my lessons, the head teacher told me that I had a gift for taking difficult concepts and simplifying them so even children could understand. God gave me this gift for a reason so how does he want me to use it? 

Prague, Czech Republic
Denmark has also captured my heart. I have fallen in love with the people, the culture and the language. There are some fantastic doors open to get my Master's and then Ph. D here in Denmark. The research facilities are state-of-the-art and crazy awesome cancer research is currently happening here in Copenhagen. But at the same time, if I go and get my Ph.D in Genetics and do cancer research (which has been my dream ever since I was 11) how lonely and without people would I be? The life of a scientist can lead to isolation and selfishness due to the focus in getting your projects done, furthering your research and becoming a better and more well-known scientist. I may be influencing the lives of people down the road, but would I be influencing those around me who need more than just a medical cure, but really need a spiritual cure? I can not deny my passion and love for science, but I want God to get the most glory from what I end up doing in life.

For those of you who know me, I understand life and what goes on around me through writing, so this is my attempt to understand what is swirling around in my own mind, but also sharing what's going on with me here in Copenhagen. At the moment, I'm striving to trust God and give him my life to do with it as he wishes, but it is probably one of the most difficult things I have done. I am a natural born planner and I have an obsessive need to know what is going on so I can plan effectively but also just have some control over situations. While we were in Kosov0, plans changed by the minute and it took constant reliance on God and his bigger plan to calm my nerves and squelch my need to know what is going on. Through what is going on right now in my life, God is continuing to teach me this lesson through not knowing what I am going to do with my life. It's a wild ride, and definitely not easy, but God is sovereign over all of my life and His plans for me will glorify Him. To God be the glory. 


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1 comment:

  1. I am so proud of you, Emma, for having the courage to ask these questions and not just tell God what you expect Him to do on your behalf. I know that no matter where you are, you will be a great ambassador for Christ because it is very evident that He has his hand on your life and He holds your heart. Love you woman!!


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