Double life.

Why hello there! It's been quite a while! In less than a week I am off to the wonderful world of college where I will be studying Genetics and (hopefully) English. Lately, I have been struggling with the whole "phyche" of going to college. The other day after feeling quite overwhelmed and alone, I put these feelings into words in my journal. It is modified a tad since it is from my journal, but otherwise delve into the inner workings of my mind...

{ I feel alone. I am the penguin stuck on a drifting iceberg, while the rest are relaxed on the firm-rooted glacier. I want to tell my friends what I am feeling, but they won't understand. I feel like I am about to sell my soul for four years, but more importantly; I feel like I've lost two years of my childhood. On the outside, I am an 18-year-old college student, calm, collected and prepared for this grand new adventure. On the inside however, I am a 16-year-old girl who dreams of being asked out to a dance and is still giggly and stupid. Who am I? I was told by one friend that she saw me act sixteen for the first time the other day. How many times have I tried to squelch my real age and not act "older"? So many adults wish they could go back to their teenage years and not only am I trying to act older, but I am beginning adult life much younger than most. I'm unsure of how to deal with it. My friends don't understand, the people at state don't understand, my family understands better than most, but still, even I don't understand it myself. This is going to be a trying time for me. I know I am in Christ, but which part of me is that? I need to accept that I will be beginning life earlier than most and not look back on what I have lost, but look ahead to what I hopefully will gain. }

Before you think I'm all depressed; I'm not. Once I put my thoughts on paper, it is like a weight drops on my shoulders. I'm completely ok now :)

--GeneticGinger